Fuck you

You’ll see an old man who’s selling books from half a dollar now at Kızılay on a roadbridge. Brown, wrinkled craggy skin which is shouting at all wavelengths as “I’m old”. But of course you will always and also see kids who’s trying to sell you handkerchiefs. Many are nearly six or at most eight and they are working all day and night I assure you. Go out at 2300 and you’ll see those people in the street walking here and there trying to do earn some money.

And the question of today is… WHY? Why do those people exist? Why aren’t they sleeping in their beds with their stomach full…

I mean we are living in this country for eighty something years. Singing its marches, believing its prosperity and richness but we still don’t have a working social system which directly works for the benefit of poor, old and young. Yet we still can believe those lies we invent. We can close our eyes to the fucking reality and to the truth so easily and it scares me. We have created invisible men and women and children thanks to our elitism and our ruthlessness. Welcome the american ideals we cherish that much.

Truth is we do not have a governmental system which acts for the best of all. Truth is we do not create civil societal institutions for the benefit of those who can’t. Truth is we are not trying to hear those who have and probably will never have a voice. Yet our most holy and democratic leaders are proclaiming they are the bestest chance of this country yet they do not see this part of our society. Their citizens are those who can take care of themselves or in basic words they are rich bitches and faggots of our people. Ah of course they are artists, who do not create or promote art, and intellectuals, who can’t create any original idea.

You can’t imagine how angry I become when I hear “educated youth” speaks in the terms of cars, girls and money they have and especially in that order. Those people, including me, are the hopes of this country and yet I can’t see any fucking hope in those people. Those are the descendants of elitist whores and bastards whose only god has Benjamin Franklin and Novus ordo Seclorum on it.

I can’t say “this is what we should do” because I am only a journalist and I can only show what is happening right now.

This is the reality – do not change it to “the desert of reality”

Amen and fuck you…

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Postscript

My campus gets all shitty after any social organization – be it a concert, festival or any sort of public entertainment activity. I’m still wondering why are we taking all the extrauniversitial people inside. This night someone knifed somebody and before that one sobbing – probably broke up with his bearded girlfriend – threatened to beat me up. After smashing his head with a wooden stick he changed his mind to sob quietly in the dark.

I hate it here. I hate it especially when powers that be can’t handle a decent organization no matter the cost or possibility. And all of ya guys are paying and cheering to see it happen…

Well done to you and your boners anticipating a girl to suck it dry but that’ll never happen. Not in your dreams and no that girl you see in your dreams is a guy with 8 inch dick who’d love to give it to you in the ass…

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sicko

My stomach has declared war on me. I’m puking, can’t shit and feeling woozy.
Gawd… I had looked to three philosophers which I’ll be responsible for the finals. Bergson, William James and Wilhelm Dilthey gone – Heidegger and Husserl awaits my attention.

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Mornin’ post (nm it’s Half noon)

Weather’s like shit. Although it’s 25th of May it still doesn’t
hesitate to bake us in the morning and froze us to death in the noon,
with thunders and lightnings of course – flashy thing anyway. Where are
the oldschool thunderstorms which you can see it coming a day or two
before?

Found and bought Neil Gaiman’s Fragile Things. I
listened its audiobook a great deal and didn’t had a dilemma whether to
buy it or not but when I started to read it I found it’s missing 4
stories which the audiobook had. I mailed NG and still waiting to get
an answer. But it’s somehow weird… I mean I expect an audiobook
shorter than its deadtree version but seeing it the other way around
just creeped me out.

2 Finals to go home. After that I’ll buy
myself a dual core gaming-programming-usual bullshitting rig and
engorge myself on various FPS’es and RTS’es. I especially want to
finish C&C 3 because it has Kane in it. Wonder why we all
like bald bad guys? Take Lex Luthor (not the comic edition, I’m talking
about Smallville series’ Lex) or… erm… Kane? The gameplay
mechanics will probably be same as the previous C&C games which
involves pumping out heaviest armor as fast as you can and send them to
enemy’s base for a massive ballistic gangbang.

I watched SC2’s
gameplay video and peeked to its screenshots and can’t say I’m drooling
over on it – like many people do. I mean take your dusty copy of SC and
play it all over again. Where is the UED?, Zerg-Protoss hybrids… and
for God’s sake why are H.G. Wells’ Martian Tripods doing in a Starcraft
game? Assault marines armed only with a pistol? Against Zergs which at
least have a carapace more or less like a concrete wall or is it
against Protoss, has forcefields, badass weaponry – both melee and
ranged – and Mothership? Although I like sending hapless peons and
infantries to certain death just to open some resource space; I find
this approach pathetic.

There was a time Starcraft equaled
innovation, it was – and probably still is – sporting three different
races, not different in the manner of pictures and texts of units and
research queues as in different in gameplay, unit strengths and
weaknesses and even types! And from what I see one can easily say we
are getting a hybrid of popular contemporary rts games a-la Wh40k,
Supreme Commander and probably Company of Heroes with a Starcraft
background and theme. Yeah I will probably play this game just for the
sake of Jim Raynor but I can’t see it as a huge multiplayer success
like its father did.

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One of those days

I’ll understand why are we so deluded in our greatness and incorruptability.

I’m trying to believe that with all my heart which is long dead and gone.

But of course it’ll happen when we stop thinking in dualistic notions. Us or Them, me and you… friend and enemy. If you share my point of view then you are my friend, else my enemy. Don’t even question whether your precious point of view is right or wrong… don’t…

If you do you’ll be the enemy… the archetypal “other” and being an outsider needs immediate destruction and termination…

That’s what ideologies preach under their very colorful icy creams and sweet coatings. Destroy the other, dance in their ashes and drink their blood… until you have become an other… until none inhabits this world….

That’s what they preach…

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Posession Journal I

Breathe…

How hard can it be? Just take a breath in… hold it and give it out… C’mon it’s easy…

I.. can’t…

Tch tch… you are really disappointing me. And to think it was done to ME… scourge of seven hells – bound to a pussy…

Wh… what are you talking…

So, someone can breathe! That’s all the thanks I get for posessing your pathetic body and make it swim to nearest shore. Just to let it die when I thought it was all safe and sound. Yeah you may have breathed a little salty water but come on… what’s that when you compare it to death and because I’m dead I can make this comparison and by the Jove buddy being dead sucks…

…

So giving us silent treatment are we… Bravo! Bravo! (Claps furiously) Remind me to not to save you after.

*Coughs and vomits*

EEeeewww… ok being alive may suck more than being dead – sometimes.

Who are you?

We are stupid AND deaf aren’t we… I’m a lord of hell, scourger of souls, head torturer of Lucifer Morningstar… the whole meat dude I’m the one out there…

Yet you are here… why?

Erm… there is a business involving a succubus and… erm… she was his favourite concubine…

His wife you mean?

NO! I mean… practically yes but there are no marital bondages in Hell… other kinds of bondage yes… marital no…

What’s your name anyway?

HA! Like I’ll give my true name to anyone. I’ll pass thank you…

But what’ll I call you?

Ah… good point… Then… Tyrant would be good?

Pleased to meetcha, name’s Bob…

Bob the Dense ok, duly noted.

Dense?

You are trying to shake hands with a spirit, asshole. Now get your freezing butt moving to a nearby settlement.

Ah… yes… reasonable…

But OF course!

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Interim

Alright.

I feel all right. I’m trying to feel all right but I’m failing. I can’t even kid myself any more.

Yeah that is when shit hits the fan… when you can’t even delude yourself with would-be kingdoms and riches…

That’s when reality gives you a kick in the nuts…

That’s when your soul dies.

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Now I remember

why I can’t install Linux as only os in my pc:

1. Behaves weirdly with my zen neeon (’s not jukebox and it doesn’t need any special driver to work on xp)
2. Has no standalone and comfy to use application for palms. I remember I figured a way out but it couldn’t beat my “push-the-button-and-let-the-book-installs” method.

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Morning Sickness

Just woke up… in a very nasty mood with a sore throat…

• I’m taking HEE in Omer Seyfettin High School which is in Balgat. Methinks I would have seen it but…
• Got to do three projects. One is deadlineless and I can’t give you any details. Others must be done until 21 April. Or I am a dead fish. I must write 2 scenarios and study to LES (HEE)
• I’ll probably publish these scenarios (one shadowrun and one screampunk) in here.
• And I’m thinking into going Linux but I won’t be sure until I get my new rig. Then this piece of mobile shit will go and hump penguins.

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Found in a usbstick in the trash… weird…

<Sound of a bottle opening>   
VOICE: Ok, let’s get this show on the road.
<Coughing…>
<incomprehensible>
Your rulers abuse you, rape you while you are blinking to the streetlights to see what’s hip and what’s not. You just sit there while that spiked needle goes into you with its acid dipped head and you just bare and grin it, assuming it’s for your good and for your security. Because that is what your TV claims, it expects you to sit there, waiting for a messiah to lead you to salvation. Because you can’t save yourselves while sitting there, not asking why everything is done that way? Why does your army kills billions of people? Why are you living like an animal bent on surviving instead of a human being which tries to “live”?

By not asking you are taking part of this massacre… with all of your good intentions and your goody two shoes ethics and values. You are supporting this with your sheeplike silence. You are getting what you deserve for you don’t see the faults of the system and you don’t try to fix them because of this selective blindness.

This is what you get, pigs get what they deserve and this is what you get. You are blinding yourself with an illusion of God and his promised land for you… for you have endured – not lived – this life. You let your priests and caesars rule over you without asking why… for it was easy, wasn’t it. You all like to stand still, gawk upon the nature and let someone else say what you should think and do. Like a fucking automaton… <incomprehensible>

And this is my testament to you… to all of you who lie, cheat and try to excel in this system of big shitters and spenders; to all of you who adores style over substance, simulation over reality… this is what you are. A big lie trying  to be real. But your very passivity makes this an impossibility. Your passivity and silence are your enemies – without those you can let loose your fucking eyepatches and see the world as it is. And you would try to change it to the benefit of your race – without discriminating poor and illiterate and hungry. For if you could do that these would be your enemies; not another race of people or credo or country because of your inquisitiveness.

But that’s hard work isn’t it. Close your eyes and dream of a better world without doing anything to make it as a reality. But of course that “better world” is a product of your media – idealized and can be sold and bought. You let yourselves satisfied with this imperfect copy of a dream and don’t go further.

If you people can open your eyes for five fucking minutes you would see you should act…

Don’t wait someone to save you; start saving yourselves now. “

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